A Kia will do me in.

While in Portland this week I am driving a Budget rental car, a Kia Spectra. At first, I thought the car was fine (even nice), but after tonight I have decided the car wants to ruin me somehow.

Problem one began on a rainy evening with family members in the car impatient to get to the restaurant we had 7:30 reservations for. I couldn't get the damn car out of park. The button on the shifter would not fricking BUDGE, no matter how I tried. I tried all the things you are thinking - having the e-brake on/off, putting pressure on the foot break while trying to disengage, turning it on and off and trying again, hitting the dash, etc. Nothing worked and we ended up having to leave the car and taking someone else's. Everyone got wet changing cars and were crabby for the whole ride over to Genoa.

Later I discovered that the only way to get it out of park is to have your damn foot FULLY down on the foot break as hard as possible. It's the only way the button will budge out of park. So I felt a little dumb, but I was willing to give the Kia another try. Tonight, however, was the last damn straw. My whole life almost was obliterated into a million pieces on a very busy road.

It began as I was leaving (another) restaurant. I used the key lock button to open the car, put my foot fully on the break, disengaged it out of park, and began rolling toward home. As soon as I get on the freeway, I notice in my rearview that the fucking trunk door is rising. The trunk is now OPEN and I am on the FREEWAY and my LAPTOP is laying on top of the baggage quite UNSECURED!!!!

If it has fallen out of the trunk, what will I do without this laptop? It's like thinking what you might do without basic bodilly functions you take for granted everyday. You really don't ever want to consider that this MIGHT happen. And most likely, you have done zilch to prepare for such a thing to happen (I recently bought an external backup drive, but I haven't yet put ANYTHING on it, so that doesn't really cut the mustard now does it?).

I belted out a couple Kia-themed expletives and looked for a place to pull over on 26. The layout of this freeway, you might want to know, is NOT a place anyone should EVER pull over if they can possibly avoid it. People die all the time doing the exact same thing I was about to do, which was to exit the Kia and inspect the trunk's contents, resecure it, and be on my way.

You may have gathered that the laptop was still in there when I got out of the car. You are correct, but I swear it was only in there by the pittying grace of God.

I will now only put junk and garbage in that jerry rigged trunk. For God sake, the thing opens up without any notice. What kind of trunk is that?